When Karen told me she had no problem
speaking up at work, I absolutely believed her. I’ve heard this statement
too often to not believe. Three days prior, Sarah had said she was a
great advocate for her sales team. A week earlier, Janet swore that her
co-workers would barely recognize her at home. In the book Women Don’t
Ask, the director of a day care center, Geri, is quoted as saying, “I
am a fierce tigress for others and a lamb for myself.”
Women are masterful at standing up for
others. We will put our lives on the line to protect our children.
We’ll go to bat for our employees if we believe they’re being paid or treated
unfairly. We’ll fight for human rights, children’s rights and even
women’s rights.
Where we falter is in fighting for our own
rights. Asking our boss, lover, parent or friend to treat us better…is
beyond difficult for many women.
Standing up for others is nurturing, loving
and compassionate. Standing up for ourselves, many believe, is
selfish. I believe that not standing up for ourselves is harmful. By not standing up for ourselves we keep all women down–especially our
daughters. If we don’t protect ourselves, relationally fight for
ourselves and stand up for ourselves–how in the world can we teach our
daughters to stand up for themselves? When we fight for the welfare of
those around us, yet grow silent regarding our own welfare, we pass on that
silence to the next generation. That legacy will not serve us or our
daughters well.
Every human being deserves to be treated
well at home, work, school and in life. Know this and dare to stand up
for yourself with the same passion, respect and sense of purpose you would for
those in your inner circle. Standing up for yourself is one of the
greatest gifts you can give to others…and yourself.
CHALLENGE: If you’re more skilled at
standing up for others rather than yourself, commit to work on this. Get
conscious of the skills you use for others and write them down. Choose one
of those skills each week and put it to use to stand up for you. Pay
attention to your negative self talk and STOP IT every time. Remember
that it is a privilege to be in your inner circle and only those who treat you
well get to enter that circle and remain in
that circle.