“Relationships flounder without nurturing. Water your relationships daily.” ~ Lisa Merlo-Booth
Love is not enough to make relationships last; it is certainly not enough to make them thrive. You can love your partner to the moon and back; however, if you don’t show your love, then it is almost irrelevant. If your partner doesn’t feel your love, it won’t register.
Relationships require watering to thrive. Love is in the doing, not simply the feeling. Watering your relationship includes a combination of countless things such as:
- Directly saying, “I love you.”
- Giving compliments consistently and over time.
- Listening to your partner’s joys, upsets, feedback, and struggles without minimizing, dismissing, or defending against them.
- Doing random acts of kindness often.
- Showing appreciation for the little and big things they do (“Hey, thanks for cleaning the dishes!”).
- Planning a date without being asked.
- Helping with chores that you don’t typically do—without being asked.
- Being courageously accountable when they give you feedback about your actions.
In essence, the best way to show your love is through a combination of verbal, physical, and emotional support. Buying flowers is meaningless if you’re barely emotionally present. Saying, “I love you,” loses its meaning if you’re often harsh and angry towards your partner. And, occasionally helping out is insignificant if you contribute very little with childcare and the upkeep of the home most of the time.
Your action or inaction significantly impacts the trajectory of your relationship; be sure it is enhancing that trajectory. Thriving relationships are reciprocal. Both partners are watering the relationship, and neither one is carrying the burden of maintaining a loving connection alone. If you’re the primary one giving to the relationship, pull back and re-set the balance before burning out. In contrast, step up before you burn out the connection if you’re the primary receiver.
Challenge:
- Pay attention to how your relationship is or is not being watered.
- Humbly assess your role in this nourishment and bravely take steps to recalibrate.
- Pay attention to the level of reciprocity in your assessment.
Creating Radically New Relationships™ requires new moves and a new relationship template, and this is a great place to start. And by the way, to do the above effectively, you both have to throw out “traditional” gender roles; those will kill even the best of relationships over time.