I’ve had many couples come through my office doors struggling because they have no common interests. They complain that neither of them likes to do what the other likes to do. It may be that one partner likes to bike ride while the other likes to take walks or one likes sports and the other one likes anything but sports. Whatever the particulars are, it’s clear that they are not on the same page.
While I’m not surprised by the differences, what I am surprised about is the unwillingness of both partners to just go with the flow once in a while. So what if you don’t particularly like plays. You like your partner right? Every once in a while it’s not only okay to do something you’re not psyched about doing, it’s actually vital to a healthy relationship.
Don’t we make our children do things all the time that they’re not excited about doing? We drag them to their sibling’s events, their grandparent’s charity event, their cousin’s band recital etc. Why? Because that’s what relationships are all about—give and take. There are times in life when we do things because relationally, it’s the right thing to do.
If your partner has been asking you to go sailing, swimming, bike riding, to a show, to a game etc., and you keep saying no, it’s time to check yourself. While it’s definitely okay–and important–to say no sometimes, it’s equally important to say yes. If it’s something that’s important to your partner and it’s not going to hurt you, then go with the flow. Try something new. You never know, you may actually enjoy yourself.
When it comes to activities, give your partner the gift of trying something new. Stop being a stick in the mud and just give it a chance. Appreciating something your partner enjoys is an act of love. Be a more daring and spontaneous in life and see what happens. You’re partner just may return the favor.
CHALLENGE: Think of three things your partner has repeatedly asked you to do with them over the years that you’ve turned down. Commit to say yes to one of them. Do it with a good spirit and see what happens.