Below is the second part of the post from my new blog http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/straight_talk_4_women/ Enjoy!
My previous post listed four tips for surviving divorce, however I had a hard time ending the list there. Therefore, below are the remaining five tips to help you get through the pain of divorce. I hope these help. If you know of someone who is going through a divorce, feel free to send this list as a resource to help him/her get through this difficult time.
1. Develop new interests, hobbies and outlets. Now that you’ve lost a key person in your life, it’s time to expand your world. Take some time to meet other people by joining a club, a class or a workshop. Think of a hobby you always wanted to try (e.g. photography, cooking, hiking) and sign up. Bring a friend if you can. If not, go and perhaps you’ll find a friend.
2. Learn from the past so you don’t repeat it. There’s no better time to explore your relationship patterns than after a break-up. Look back at this relationship with an objective lens. Are there any patterns that you notice in your relationships as a whole? Did you like how you were in this relationship? If not, why? What is the one area you need to change in terms of how you are in your romantic relationships? What would be the first step to you changing that? Do not focus on the other person—keep your eyes on you.
3. Take full responsibility. It’s way too easy to place the blame for the break-up, your unhappiness, your children’s difficulties, etc. on your partner. Don’t fall into this trap. Take control of your life — 100%. If you’re unhappy, do what you need to address this and find the joy again. If you’re isolated, get out and meet new people. If your children are struggling, help them work through their feelings without bad-mouthing their other parent. Do what you need to do to get your life back on track and refuse to allow the divorce or break-up to take away any more of your life than it has already.
4. Forgive. Holding grudges does not serve you. Don’t waste your time or energy being resentful, revengeful or filled with rage at what happened. Too many people stew in the anger of what happened and allow it to eat away at their lives. Learning to let go of the anger and resentment is the greatest gift you can give to YOU. Letting go of this toxic energy is a necessary aspect of healing from a divorce.
5. Enjoy the freedom. One of the positives of living on your own is having more freedom to do what you’d like to do without having to worry about whether it’s okay or not for your partner. What did you like to do that your partner didn’t? What activities have you not done in years due to your relationship? Begin to explore your personal likes and dislikes and begin to incorporate your likes into your life. For example, take time to read books, see movies, go out with friends and do things you’d like to do.
Divorce is often a difficult journey for all involved. Help yourself get through this time by practicing extraordinary self-care. Incorporate the tips above, don’t isolate, but do surround yourself with healthy comforts and great friends. Don’t rush into another relationship in an attempt to get over this one. Trust that things will get better with time.
CHALLENGE: Pay attention to the tips above and incorporate them into your healing. As the holiday approaches begin to make plans with friends and family so you are not alone during this time. Hang in there!