I remember the first time I heard the stewardess on the plane tell everyone about the oxygen masks. She said, “For those of you traveling with small children, please secure the mask over your nose and mouth first and then assist your children.” I was pretty young when I heard this and remember thinking how selfish of the grown ups to let all the children die first (yes, I could be a bit dramatic back then). Looking back, I realize how common that thought was and still is today.
Many adults believe that taking care of oneself is selfish. They believe that their children, spouse, job, friends and family come first and then, if there’s anything left, it’s their turn. The problem with this is there is seldom, if ever, anything left. The person runs around pleasing everyone in his or her life while simultaneously neglecting him or herself. This eventually leads to resentment, physical illness, depression or failed relationships. If you are always busy taking care of everyone else, then there is no one home to take care of you. After a while, that gets really old, patience leaves, resentments build, and tempers begin to flare.
It does not serve you or your family to put everyone ahead of your needs. This just teaches others an unhealthy habit. Your loved ones will either learn to be needy and helpless, or to sacrifice their souls just like you sacrifice yours. Is this the message you want to give to them? If not, then learn to say no. Learn to slow down(specific techniques are given below), breathe and think about what you might want before you blindly run around doing what everyone else wants. You may be surprised to find that not only will you be happier, but so will your family.
Challenge: If you are someone who has a hard time saying no to others or runs around taking care of everyone else, then try one of the three rules below for the next week.
1. Unless it is an absolute yes, it is a no. Say no to everything that you’re not sure about, you need more time to decide on or that is a maybe. Unless you know it is an absolute yes then say No!
2. Wait 24 hours before answering. Tell your family you are working on setting limits for yourself and will therefore be taking 24 hours to decide what you will and will not do. This means they will have to be more planful in their requests, and you will have to be more selective in your answers.
3. Every morning for the next week commit to not doing anything for anyone else until you have done something for yourself first. This can mean meditating, working out, journaling, etc.