Men and women everywhere are
settling:
- Sarah has been with Lou for two years. He’s successful, handsome, kind and an
all-around great guy. Unfortunately,
her feelings toward him are more like that of a brother than a lover. She feels bad – as if something’s wrong
with her. She’s afraid to leave him
because there aren’t a lot of great guys out there. - Sally’s been with Scott for six years. Their relationship has been difficult
from the start. He’s cheated on her
twice, talks down to her and dismisses her complaints constantly. Sally’s torn because they have a long
history together, they have a great sexual attraction to one another and
she’s getting older. Scott wants to
marry her and is pressuring her to say yes. - Frank loves his wife very much, but her anger
and control is hard to live with.
She yells at him, the kids and even neighbors if she doesn’t like
something they do. Frank wishes she
would be a little calmer. He’s too
afraid to say anything to her because he knows it will just escalate
things.
I could give numerous
examples of people settling out of fear and I’m sure you have a few of your
own. It seems when it comes to
relationships, many people live by the premise the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. This, however, is a lie we tell
ourselves. The devil is the devil no
matter how you look at it. Staying
around and wishing things would change is wasting your life…and your partner’s.
If there are major issues in
your relationship weighing you down, then deal with them. If you love your partner, but are too afraid
to ask them to make some changes then you’re selling yourself and your
relationship short. Not addressing
issues makes them grow bigger. Fear is a
normal part of life; view it as a warning to PROCEED with caution. The key is to PROCEED–not stop.
If you know in your core
that you want out of your relationship, then do yourself and your partner a
favor and get out. It’s not loving to
stay in a relationship with someone you don’t love. It’s not loving to you or your partner. Your partner deserves to be with someone who
truly wants to be with them. You also
deserve to be with someone with whom you’re psyched to wake up every day.
When you settle for less
than a great relationship you teach those around you to settle too. First, try to fix it. If it doesn’t fix, see the future as
opportunity. Don’t allow fear to block
amazing opportunities that may be awaiting you.
Take a chance and live — as the saying goes feel the fear and do it anyway.
CHALLENGE: If you’ve been
hanging out in a relationship due to fear (of not finding another partner,
being too old, losing your partner, etc.) make the decision to take
action. Acknowledge the fear, proceed
with caution and pat yourself on the back for moving toward opportunity and
away from limbo. When you take this
step, send me your comments so we can celebrate your success!