Who promised that marriage was going to be a smooth ride filled with love, belly laughter, and passionate sex every night? No one promised this…in reality anyway. Movies, TV, romantic novels, and the like, may have painted that picture, but we’re all adults and should know that life is full of bumps in the road, struggles, and hard times.
It’s also filled with good times, laughs, and moments of connection. It’s time we stopped thinking that relationships are supposed to be easy and instead, learn how to handle the bumps when they come without having them cause a major accident.
A healthy relationship is comprised of two people who love, respectful, and support each other…even in tough times. They also get angry at each other—without chopping one another down at the knees. Verbal, physical, and emotional violence is off the table. Healthy couples disagree, struggle with distance from time to time, and even have moments when the partners aren’t sure if they like each other. They may fight, make poor choices, and inadvertently emotionally hurt one another. They do not however, do any of these with ill will. These moments are also the exception rather than the rule.
If you are struggling in your relationship and wondering if love should be that hard the answer is yes…and no. Yes relationships are hard and do take attention, thoughtfulness, and self control. However, they are not meant to be a constant struggle.
Overall, the good should out weight the bad, the calm should far outweigh the struggles, and the kindness should definitely be more prevalent than the hurt. If this is not the case, seek help from a therapist, relationship coach, workshop, or the like. If your partner refuses to seek help, isn’t accountable for his/her actions, and/or is not trying or willing to change, then you are in a dead end relationship. The likelihood of your relationship becoming healthy and satisfying is minimal, I believe.
Relationships are hard…and healing, supportive, and fun. You should not be struggling moment to moment, constantly questioning, or frequently in pain if you’re relationship is a healthy one. You also will not be always deliriously happy, constantly turned on, or always infatuated with your partner.
Know the difference between an unhealthy relationship it’s time to run from, a potentially healthy relationship you need to work on, and a healthy relationship that is experiencing normal ebbs and flows. This knowledge could change your life and the lives of those around you.
Challenge: Take a moment to assess your relationship and decide if it’s time to run, work on, or appreciate. Perhaps it’s time to appreciate it and fine tune it a bit. Use the information you come up with as a catalyst to take the necessary steps to create your best life and your best relationship.