I recently was at a U12 boy’s championship soccer game. All boys on the team were either eleven or twelve years of age. At the end of the game, the winning team took a victory jog across the field toward the parents. The parents looked upon their boys with pride.
The boys were psyched and came across the field chanting something in unison. As the boys got closer I swore I heard…No, I’m sure I must’ve been mistaken. They said it again??? Am I hearing things? I asked one of the fathers if they said what I thought they said. “Yep. You heard them right.”
I looked around to see the response of the other parents…nothing.
As the boys gathered together to take a team picture, they said it again—“TITTIES”!
Yes… the boys were chanting TITTIES across the field for their victory lap…and no one had said a thing.
As they were chanting again while taking their team picture I stated, “Boys let’s try to show a little class.” They all giggled and the parents said nothing. I had an eerie feeling that everyone was seeing me as a buzz killer.
Fast forward five minutes to presentation of medals and another photography grouping. As the team is posing, the boys all said, loudly and with smiles on their faces, “TITTIES”. The coach laughed and said, “We did not teach them that.” I again stepped in and clearly let them know that was inappropriate. Not one parent backed me.
When I left the fields that day I was struck by the lack of parental limits. There are many people in this world who believe that “boys will be boys”. As a result, they laugh when boys are disrespectful, or grab a girl’s butt, or talk about how nice a girl’s breasts are etc.
Boys will be boys to the degree that we teach them to be boys. If we teach them that chanting TITTIES across a field is just what boys do, they will do it. If we teach our sons that part of being a boy is grabbing girl’s privates, they will grab girls at their whim.
My husband often gets upset that men get such a bad wrap. I’d like to believe the bad wrap is formed from a small number who truly are poor examples of healthy men. I also believe that the larger number of healthy men, need to stand up and dare to cross the gender divide. They need to set limits on the boys and men who are out of line if they have any hope of dispelling the myth that guys are pigs, out for only one thing etc.
I watched several men that day laugh at their sons and say nothing. I watched the mothers do nothing also. When we don’t speak up about something, we need to be aware that our silence sends the message that the action is okay.
Is it okay for our eleven and twelve year old boys to be chanting “titties” as their victory lap–in front of their parents no less?!
Is it just me or does this seem off to you too? Take a moment and write me back on this one, I really am curious what people think.
Challenge: If you’re tired of men getting a bad wrap then it’s time to step in and start calling men and boys on their behaviors. Take a look at how you’re raising your sons and make sure your actions are teaching your sons how to be relational, respectful, and connected in this world.
Do not buy into the old notion that boys will be boys–it will not help our culture or our boys.