This week I ran across a great saying hanging on the wall in a therapist’s office. It said:
“I choose my behaviors,
The world chooses my consequences”.
What I love about this saying is it makes it very clear that I, and only I, am responsible for my life. The same is true for you. As tempting as it may be to blame our plight on other people, “circumstances beyond our control”, our insecurities etc., the truth is, ultimately we do what we do because we choose to.
We decide how far we will go in life. We decide how honest we will be in our relationships. We decide how much we will allow our past to influence and/or determine our present. We decide how emotionally intimate we will be with our significant others, children, family, and friends.
Life is a choice. Wearing blinders doesn’t excuse us from not seeing. Rationalizing our mistakes doesn’t help us to not repeat them. Acting helpless doesn’t mean we are helpless.
Ultimately, any action we take is a choice, and any action we don’t take—is a choice.
It is not possible for someone to hold us back without us allowing him/her to hold us back. It’s not possible for a friend to repeatedly use us unless we allow our friend to use us. And it’s not possible for us to be “stuck” in an unhealthy relationship without us choosing to stay stuck.
When we realize that we are in control of our own destiny, we open the door to bigger and better things. Although it may be scary to realize that we are ultimately responsible for the choices we make, I believe that it is also empowering.
Challenge: Look at the places in your life where you’re stuck or acting like a victim. What pay offs are you getting by staying stuck? What move do you know you need to make? Write down a list of possible moves, then choose one, and commit to making it happen.