On my last post Curious made the following comment:
Here it is – I am a pretty decent guy, well educated (over educated if you like) very respectful and soft spoken with people in general. A friend of mine started dating recently after getting out of a relationship where he was abusive of his gf, she would take advantage of him too. That is over, but now that he is dating he is jumping from woman to woman, kind of having a personal contest of sleeping with as many women as he can. I am not assuming this from his behaviour, it is what he told me. He recently met a young woman who I thought was very conservative and I sort of liked. If I were in the dating scenario, that is the kind of woman I would pursue or seek, atleast so I thought.
To my disgust my friend repeatedly insulted the womans character, boasting how he could bed her and that she was a slut. Guess what, the woman hardly knowing my friend, slept with him. Now, I have to rethink my choice and I am having trouble with myself and my choice. I know it is kind of inappropriate to get into other people’s business, but believe me the info was bombarded on me and I cant help it. Now, I wish I was in Alaska and never had faced this situation.
Here is my response:
Dear Curious,
I’m wondering why it is you’re questioning yourself rather than your friend? My guess is although this girl may have slept with your friend, he’s not quite telling you the whole story. Anyone who is “in a personal contest to sleep with as many women as possible” obviously struggles with integrity. That said, chances are he is willing to go to any length to get a woman into bed including behaving quite interested, charming, and “nice.”
Your friend calling this girl a slut speaks volumes to his lack of character. If she’s a slut for sleeping with him, what’s he? Until you know the whole story, trust your gut not your ears. Your friend is not a reliable reporter or source in any regard. Remember that.
If you like this girl and want to get to know her, then take the time to do so. Tell your friend to change the way he talks about her (and other women I imagine) or you don’t want to hear it. Then have the courage to make up your own mind. I’m guessing you’re a better judge of character than you think.
The fact that this girl slept with him does not prove she’s a slut–it only says that she slept with him. You may never know why she made this decision (if in fact she even did). What you do know, however, is that the way your friend talks about this girl bothers you. Instead of questioning the girl, start questioning him. And, instead of questioning your choices in women, perhaps it’s time to question your choices in friends?