It never ceases to amaze me how poorly people speak of their partners when not in their presence. I hear women bad mouthing men in general, and their partners in specific, often. I hear men making derogatory statements about their wives to their friends who laugh and give the “all knowing” men’s club look; you know, the one that says, “Oh yeah, we know how women can be” (nudge, nudge). It seems the women are sure the men are no good, pigs, and the men think the women are irrational bitches.
Hmm, doesn’t seem to be a great recipe for love, respect, and partnership to me: Does it to you?
Women and men, both, need to stop acting like adolescents and begin to be relational regarding each other–in front of the other sex, and behind their back. If you go to your friends to talk about what a louse your husband is or what a bitch your wife is, the only thing that is likely to result, is further distance.
Whenever a group of friends or acquaintances are joining around the ill of another gender, they are off. If you’re in a group of women and you join in while they are degrading men, you are degrading your father, husband, brothers, sons, grandsons, etc. Likewise, if you join in with a group of men in the degradation of women, you are degrading all women; your mother, wife, sisters, daughters, grand-daughters etc.
Grow up and be respectful, to all people and genders, at all times. We are all human beings struggling to do the best we can. We make mistakes because we are human, not because ALL women are… or ALL men are…
If you don’t like something your partner did or does, go to your partner and discuss it with him/her. If you need help figuring out how you want to handle something, speak to a friend who is going to hold you accountable for your piece and not just jump on the “bash your partner” bandwagon. Ask your friend to help you problem solve, not just say it’s your partner’s fault; that may feel good in the moment but is certainly not going to help your marriage or your family.
Remember that the people closest to you are the ones you should be treating the best. Don’t bad mouth them, either to their face or behind their back; when you do, it reflects poorly on you and your partner.
Partner bashing and gender bashing is a very easy trap to fall into… Have you ever found yourself getting caught up in this?
CHALLENGE: Pay attention to how you speak about your partner when s/he is not in your presence. Commit to not join in on gender bashing or partner bashing, under any circumstances, and see what you notice.