In one of my recent posts I emphasized the concept of “Changing Me, Changes We.” Today I’m going to begin to filter that out a bit.
Because “changing me” is such a broad concept, I’ve decided to break it down into two vital parts: changing what we’re giving and changing what we’re accepting. Everything else, I believe, will take care of itself.
The first part goes along with one of my cornerstones: Ask for nothing more than you are willing to give. Many people want their partners to be respectful, yet when their partners become disrespectful–so do they. Similarly, they want their partners to be loving. Yet when they are unhappy with their partners, they are anything but loving. The examples could go on and on but the bottom line is: Are you respectful, honest, loving and responsible in this relationship…even when your partner is not?
Being respectful means no yelling, shaming, name-calling, or put-downs (even when angry). Honesty requires that you say what you mean even when it is a difficult conversation to have; you don’t silence yourself or brush things under the rug to avoid a conflict. Being loving means you are able to give compliments, affection, and emotional support to your partner on a steady basis. And finally, being responsible/accountable means that you follow through on your promises, acknowledge when you are in the wrong and apologize when appropriate.
Look over this list and think about how you are in this relationship, at all times, and then ask yourself if you would want to be in a relationship with you. Once you can honestly say you would love to be in a relationship with you then you’re ready to look at step two. (one of my next postsJ).
If we don’t like what we’re getting, then first we need to look at what we’re giving…
Challenge: Look over the descriptions of being honest, respectful, loving, and responsible, and decide what you need to work on the most. Choose two behaviors in this area that you would like to change. Change them. Note what happens.