When my brother-in-law passed away I struggled with how to best help my husband through his grief. I wasn’t sure if I should give him space, try to get him to do more things, recommend a grief group, talk about his brother, not talk about his brother and on and on. What was even worse is I’m a relationship coach and trained therapist–I should know what to do.
So for anyone who’s wondering how to support his/her partner through grief let me tell you what I learned:
1. First off, grief is a highly personal process and often the best thing we can do is just be there for our partner…in anyway he/she needs us.
2. It is not uncommon for people to want space and more alone time than usual when in grief–give it to them.
3. If your partner wants to be alone, don’t take it personally–it’s not about you.
4. If your partner begins to talk about his/her loved one, listen and don’t try to avoid the topic.
5. Help out with everything more, the kids, the house, errands etc.…and do it without resentment or keeping score.
6. Give a little extra TLC whenever possible.
Grief can hit like a tidal wave without warning or directions. Know that the sense of loss may linger much longer in your partner than in you. It is not uncommon for grief to last well over a year so be patient and know that grief is a process.
These are just some of the things I learned. Feel free to comment on any tips you may have learned even if they are contrary to these.
Challenge: If you’re partner is grieving ask him/her how you can help. Don’t avoid talking about his/her loved one and