I cannot tell you how many times people point fingers at their partner’s behaviors and minimize their own. They may take a slight glance or a minimal peak at their part however, what they really have their eyes on is what their partner’s are doing.
Inevitably they are convinced that what their partner is doing is grotesquely worse than what they are doing. I’m here to tell you that, while at times that is the case, often it is not. Often our stuff is just as dysfunctional, irrational, non-relational etc., as our partner’s. It just is.
But let’s say, for the sake of argument that we aren’t as “messed up” as our partner. In fact, let’s say that we are the most amazingly functional people in the world…who just happen to become non-relational in response to our crazy, relationally inept partners. Does that make our behaviors okay? Can we then call our partners a loser just because we think s/he acts like one? Is it okay for us to yell at our partners because they don’t follow through with anything? Are we justified in swearing at our partners when they swear at us?
The answer to all of the questions above is…no. I am not entitled to act as I please and rationalize my non-relational interactions because of my partner’s even more non-relational interactions. And neither are you.
Trust me, I get how totally hard this is. I get how it can take every fiber of your being to maintain integrity when your partner is out of line. I, one-hundred percent, understand that the last thing you want to do when your partner is being disrespectful, cold, mean or out of control, is be calm and respectful. I also get that this is absolutely necessary for healthy relationships.
We all need to learn how to take the higher ground. It is not the easiest path, and sometimes it isn’t even the most rewarding. However, it is the path with the greatest potential for the brightest outcome. It is also the path with the most integrity. Walk it, and experience some great ripple effects.
Challenge: Commit to take the higher ground for the next two weeks in every relationship you have. Refuse to get down in the mud with loved ones and instead act with honor and integrity…you may be surprised by how good it feels (even when the results aren’t what you wanted).
If you try it or have tried it, I’d love to hear from you…the positives, negatives and anything in-between.