I believe that working on yourself is a key way to work on your relationships. The problem however, is that we seldom see our own issues as clearly as we see our partner’s.
We often think we are so right about our assessments of others, yet for some reason we assume others’ assessments of us are wrong. Isn’t that interesting? What makes us think we have 20/20 vision when it comes to our loved ones, yet their vision regarding us is 20/200? The truth is–it’s not.
If we want to work on ourselves, we need to know what to work on. A great way to figure this out is to listen to what those close to us are saying—about us. Our partners, in particular, are great resources for us in this area–if we’re brave enough to listen.
Just as we are able to see clearly, and with an uncanny accuracy, our partner’s fault lines, so are they able to see ours. The question is, however, are we open to hearing what they have to say?
Get comfortable with the notion that the people closest to us have the best insight into us: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Realize that this is a very rich resource for us to grow, given the right circumstances. Subsequently, it may be in our own best interest to open our hearts to the message.
Challenge: Look at the following two questions:
*What three qualities do you have that you would not want in a partner?
*What feedback has been given by your partner that you have not wanted to believe or
have had difficulty taking in? (i.e., You can be bossy, critical, rigid, etc.)
For a minute, take a slow, deep breath, and do your best to get centered. Once you are centered, close your eyes and ponder the answers to the two previous questions.
Make an honest assessment of the areas you need to work on—based on the information others have given you over the years.
After you have the answers, check them out with someone you trust and be forgiving of yourself for being human; next, begin to work on these areas.
Note: If you do not currently have a significant other, think about past partners or current friends or family members.