The closing line of act III of William Congreve’s The Mourning Bride is:
Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turn’d
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.
The more familiar quote derived from this is, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. I would change this to, “Hell hath no fury like a woman or a man scorned”…but let’s not quibble.
Either way, I’m sure many people can relate to this idea. In fact, I’m betting that many people reading this quote are shaking their heads thinking, “Isn’t that the truth!”
I wonder how many people can relate to the feelings Astronaut Lisa Nowak may have had that led her to do such an extreme act. She traveled miles and miles, in a diaper no less, to confront a woman she thought was in competition with her for another man’s affections. She’s married with children, yet she risked it all to confront this woman (perhaps to kidnap and murder too?). What the h*ll was she thinking? The truth is, she wasn’t thinking, she was reacting.
I hear from people all the time wanting to do something hurtful to the person their partner had an affair with. In fact, it is not uncommon for murders to occur between “loved ones” as a result of jealousy and affairs. Murder–isn’t that extreme? Well, of course it is, and when a person is “scorned” it feels extreme to them.
Does that mean that anybody who has had an affair, or is having an affair, should watch their back? Yes…and no. Obviously murder is the most extreme act that can happen, and most people may want to hurt the other person, yet they have enough self-control not to.
When you open your relationship up to an affair, however, you need to know that you also open it up to an intensity that you may never have thought possible. You risk your family and the well-being of all its members as a result. You never know how your son, wife, or daughter will react when they find out the news. They will each have intense feelings about the person who “ruined” their family, and they will definitely fantasize about how to get revenge, confront, or get even–against you and/or your lover.
When it comes to “matters of the heart,” treat them with respect, honor, and reverence. Protect your family from outside influences. This is the same for the one cheating and the one cheated on.
If you’ve been cheated on, please know that although you may fantasize about exacting revenge on your partner, or their lover…it’s seldom, if ever, worth it. Do yourself and your family a favor–keep it at only a fantasy. No one’s worth destroying your life or another’s life–ever.
Challenge: If you’ve been fantasizing about exacting revenge, include in that fantasy you getting caught, possible jail time, and the long-term impact of carrying out that fantasy on you, your children, and your loved ones.
If you’ve been fantasizing about starting an affair, include in that fantasy your children and partner finding out, the end of your relationship, and potential vengeful acts being taken as a result. If you’re not happy in your relationship, discuss it, work on it, or end it–responsibly. Don’t use your unhappiness as an excuse to cheat–that’s always a cop out.