This past week between the hustle and bustle of moving, unpacking, seeing clients, changing e-mails…I have been taken aback by the number of disgruntled, stagnant couples that have shown up in my life. Have you ever seen or been a part of a disgruntled stagnant couple? If so, then you know it’s not pretty or fun.
Here are a few warning signs of disgruntled, stagnant couples:
1. The partners barely talk to one another about anything intimate and sometimes about anything at all.
2. If the partners do talk, it’s about the children, problems, work, or how angry they are with one another.
3. Typically there is one extremely unhappy partner and one partner who’s indifferent or walled off.
4. The couple has been unhappy for years yet has done little to make any real changes. The very unhappy one may have asked to do some couples work yet when their partner refused, they dropped the subject.
5. They use unhealthy ways to cope with their unhappiness such as: excessive work, a few drinks each night, prolonged computer/internet use etc.
6. Both partners are fairly miserable and feel trapped, hopeless, resigned, or just plain angry.
If you are in a relationship like this chances are you are fairly miserable. It’s likely that your home is seen as a place of stress rather than a place of refuge, and if you had your choice you’d avoid it at all costs.
What you may not realize however, is that you do have a choice. Let me say that again…YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE.
Often people get caught up in a relationship whirlpool of sorts. This whirl pool is an endless turbulent spin of anger, aloofness, distance, and co-existence. Nobody remembers how to turn the damn thing off, or lower the heat, or step out. They just keep on spinning. They think constantly about how much they hate being in the damn whirl pool but they seldom stop to get out or change the settings.
If you’re in a dismally, stagnant relationship, then it’s time to stop the spin. You deserve to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship where you treat your partner well and s/he treats you well.
Spending years of your life in a toxic relationship will…take away years of your life. If you wait until things get better, there’s a good chance you’ll drowned.
Challenge: If your relationship is toxic and you hate even coming home, do yourself and your partner a favor and stop accepting the status quo. Change your actions and stop waiting for your partner to change his/hers. If your partner refuses couples help, you go. If you’re really fed-up, then act on this. Make a move and stand behind it.