Have you ever started dating someone only to find that you left you outside the door? If so, you’re not alone. People often pretend to be someone they’re not in the early stages of a relationship. They pretend because they want to make a good impression, want to give the relationship a chance to get started before they let their hair down (so to speak), or they want to avoid conflict. For some reason or other, people think being themselves just isn’t good enough.
So people act nice, pretend to have similar interests as their partner, seldom disagree, wear clothes that are actually painful, laugh at jokes they don’t think are funny, and act as though they are quite the gentleman/lady. The problem with this is at some time, somewhere down the road, you get tired of pretending; at some point the real you creeps in.
Now, all of a sudden your partner is wondering what the heck happened to you. You didn’t use to be this vocal, out-going, opinionated, strong willed etc. What happened to the kind, quiet, polite person who used to be on these dates??? Your partner begins to feel like the rug got pulled out from under him/her…and rightly so.
Acting like you think someone wants you to act in order for him/her to like you is deceptive. The person ends up liking the façade. Eventually that façade has to come down and the only person left is the real you. If you have any hope of having an honest, healthy relationship, you have to be honest and healthy from the start. It’s best for both of you to know the real person so you can make a good decision about whether or not you’re right for each other.
If it’s not a fit, so be it. If it is a fit–you know it’s real.
Challenge: Whenever you’re starting a new relationship, be authentically you from the start. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not for any reason. Be comfortable in your skin and bring you to the table. This will save you years of relationship problems down the line.