It’s hard to listen to the news or read a paper without being pounded by our nation’s financial crisis. Regardless of whether the reports have to do with stocks plummeting, banks going under, corporate buyouts, etc., the message is loud and clear that our nation’s in financial trouble. All these headlines can wreak havoc in relationships if couples aren’t careful.
As with any topic or issue, the most important thing for couples to do when faced with fear, is to not let that fear over take them. Too often we can get caught up in the hype and begin to panic or imagine the worst scenario in the world; this seldom, if ever, helps. In fact, panicking is a sure fire way of making things worse.
If you feel yourself panicking, intervene in a firm and quick fashion by telling yourself, loud and clear, to STOP IT. Do not allow yourself to move into extreme thinking for even a moment. Instead, be proactive by first getting calm and then following some of the tips below.
- Calm down and breathe: The media is known for sensationalizing things, it makes a better story. Before you get reactive, remind yourself of this point. Before you can deal with your finances, you need to be in a centered, rational space. Calming down is your first priority so you can have a clearer head to make rational, healthy decisions. Get yourself calm by taking slow deep breaths until you are more centered.
- Work with each other not against each other: If you and your partner share finances than it’s likely that you both have each other’s best interests at stake. Although you may disagree on how to protect these interests, the bottom line is you both are on the same team. If one partner is more reactive and fearful, the other partner needs to be more centered and calm; be reassuring and realistic while also listening to your partner’s concerns. Make sure both of you are openly discussing the entire picture and coming to decisions as a couple. The money belongs to both of you and as such both of you have a say. Unless one person agrees to have the other person take over the decisions, do NOT just decide for yourself the best action for your family.
- Take a look at the entire picture: don’t rush to assumptions that things are horrible and also don’t bury your head in the sand and hope they’ll go away. Look at your finances and get a picture of how this economy is impacting them. Make an accurate assessment of what’s happening now (what’s working, what’s not working, where your losses are, where you feel safe etc.). Know what you have (income, savings, stocks), what you need (expenses, savings account for emergencies), and what you’re biggest concerns are.
- Walk through the worst case scenario: too many people imagine catastrophic happenings that are not at all based in reality. This only makes matters worse and can result in us sabotaging ourselves. Play out your worst fears and match them up against the reality of the situation. For example, many years ago I was feeling very scared about finances and started working myself up into almost a panic. I started thinking that my family and I were going to end up in a family homeless shelter if we didn’t bring in more money. I kept thinking we were one paycheck away from being homeless…(it didn’t help that I was working in a homeless shelter at the time). This fear went on for several weeks before I sat down and really explored that fear. What I realized was, barring an extreme life event, that would not happen. If we needed to, we could always sell our house and rent an apartment. We also had family who would take us in without any problem. Once I faced my worst fear, a huge weight lifted off me and soon after we started making more money and setting up financial safe guards. I realized my panic almost became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Make a plan: after you have a more realistic picture of what may happen, come up with a financial plan to safeguard you and your family. Do not make random financial decisions out of fear; make well thought out, rational decisions from a centered, knowledgeable place. Use your fear to lead you to a thoughtful, well planned response rather than a knee-jerked reaction made out of panic.
- Get advice if needed: if you have a lot of investments and retirement accounts, don’t just yank everything out…that’s reactive and not helpful. Seek advice from specialists who study investments for a living. If you do choose to take some money out for safety, make sure that decision is well thought out and based on reliable information from a trusted source.
Whether your married, single, or in a committed relationship, the important thing to remember is to not panic. Get yourself to center, look at the real picture not the panicked picture and make decisions regarding that data. Come to decisions as a team and if one panics, the other reassures.
CHALLENGE: If you are concerned about the economy and your finances go through the above steps to determine what actions if any you need to do to feel more secure. If you begin to panic, breathe, slow down, and assess.