I'm shocked by how many people believe thier words are inconsequential when said in anger. Throughout the years I've heard a myriad of excuses for people's hurtful words. Here are some of the more common ones:
- It was no big deal, she know's I say things when I get mad.
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Give me break, I can't swear when I get mad? Everyone swears.
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It wasn't that bad, she's just sensitive.
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He deserved it. If he didn't do what he did then I wouldn't have been so angry.
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I didn't mean what I said, I was just angry.
Regardless of what your reason, saying hurtful things in anger is…hurtful. It's hurtful to the person your speaking to, it's hurtful to your relationship, and it's hurtful to those in the vicinity who have to listen to it.
For the record:
- What you say in anger is a big deal…especially to your partner.
- No you can't swear in anger…without it affecting your partner and your relationship.
- If you're saying hurtful things in anger…it is that bad and it has nothing to do with your partenr being too sensitive.
- You being hurtful is not justified and nor is it your partner's fault.
- If you said it, you meant it…and your partner knows that.
It's time to stop excusing your inexcusable behavior. It's your job to treat the loved ones in your life…lovingly. This is true in times of calm, and anger. Be diligent in not being hurtful to your loved ones under any circumstances. Calm yourself down before venting your anger and saying things you will later regret. And if you say it…repair it. Don't excuse or minimize, just apologize. In the future, see to it you keep your mouth closed until you can control what comes out of it.
CHALLENGE: Center yourself on the goal of having a calm, respectful household, period. Do not give yourself permission to vent or say hurtful things to loved ones for any reason. For one week observe how you speak to those you love when angry or upset. If you notice it's hurtful, then commit to taking the sting out of your words from that day forward. See what you notice as a result.