In my experience, many women believe their way is THE way. Whether it’s how to take care of the children, how to wash the dishes, or how to pick up the laundry, many women believe they know best. Unfortunately, they’re not afraid to point this out to their partners…again, and again, and again.
I totally understand believing that your way is the right way…and many times it may truly be the “right” way, however, constantly correcting people (i.e. your partner) is off putting to say the least. People don’t like to be told, time and time again, that what they’re doing is wrong. In fact, it gets annoying.
The truth is, many times your partner may be doing things differently, however, that does not mean he’s doing them wrong. Sometimes…many times…you’re wrong. When you’re constantly directing people in your life, you’re trying to control them. Directing sounds like this: “Put the dishes way after you dry them. Don’t you know that?!”; “Wash the colored clothes in cold water not warm.”; “You need to pack four diapers in the diaper bag not three!” There are a thousand examples of micromanaging and people do it all the time. The bottom line however, is that people don’t like to be managed. There are many ways to get things done and more often than not, your way is not THE way.
If you’re constantly on your partner for not picking up his clothes, revving the kids up right before bed, or (fill in the blank), then it’s time to try a new approach. Chances are the constant micromanaging of how he does something isn’t getting him to be more responsible. In fact, it’s likely to lead him to be more resentful and either aggressive or passive aggressive. And, if you’re taking things over for him—just to make sure they’re done right—then you’re really off (that’s the next postJ).
If you either struggle with this or don’t think you struggle with this but those around you have said you do…then it’s time to take a step back. Rather than telling everyone how things need to be done, be open to a new way of dong things. Be curious, humble, and open to how others do things. Be curious with interest not judgment. Allow the other person the freedom of making their own decisions and unless it significantly impacts you, let it go.
Control seldom feels good to the one being controlled or micromanaged. How would you feel if your partner was adamant that you needed to wash clothes on Mondays only and then proceeded to constantly stress that belief every time you washed them on a different day? After a while, I’m guessing, you’d be annoyed. Remember, there are many ways to do the same thing. Have the humility of knowing yours’ isn’t the only way.
CHALLENGE: If you tend to micromanage or want a lot of things done a certain way, step back for a week and notice how your behavior is impacting your family. For an entire week commit to not get lost in the details of how something gets done and instead appreciate that it did get done. Remove the critical lens for one week.