The presidential inauguration of President Obama seems to have breathed life back into our country again. I do not recall a time, in my lifetime, when our country was filled with so much hope. With this hope has come a renewed energy and commitment to get our country stronger and healthier than ever before.
This dynamic is the same for couples. When I have couples enter my office on the brink of divorce, I know that unless they get some inkling of hope (and fast), that the odds are not good they’re going to make it. The catalyst for hope…is CHANGE. The change however, has to be not only spoken, but also acted upon.
Many partners, when put on the hot seat, will promise to change. Hope however, doesn’t get sparked until the actions back up the words spoken. In other words, until the person actually starts to show up in the relationship differently, their words have very little impact…and their partner, has very little hope.
I’ve watched this throughout the election as well. Initially Obama spoke about “Change we can believe in”, yet many people saw it as just another politician looking for an angle. Gradually however, people began to watch how he held himself differently than many previous presidents. For example, he listened more than he talked, stayed calm even in stressful debates, and relationally, he actually treated his wife as though he loved her versus using her as a prop to help him look good. As his campaign went on, our country began to see a difference; our country began to see change… and with that change, came hope.
This is exactly what happens in relationships. When one partner is halfway out the relationship door, the only thing that will breathe life back into that relationship…is hope. The only thing that will lead to hope…is change. The greater the hope lost, the bigger the change needed to get it back.
If your relationship is on death’s door, the only chance for revival is hope. If you want to spark hope, DO something different; CHANGE. SHOW your partner that things ARE different rather than promising her/him, that they will be different. As the saying goes, “Put up or shut up”…and breathe a whole new life into your relationship.
CHALLENGE: If your relationship is on the brink and you want to try to save it, then behave differently in it. Make a very significant change that would be obvious to anyone who knows you. Make it big, make it relational, and make it last…then let us know how it went!