The other day I did a short tweet (for those who don’t know, this is the next big social networking craze where you write a short tidbit — called a tweet — about something and post it on Twitter.). I wrote the tweet and found myself thinking about all the ways we zone out in our lives.
The other night, after a long day, I decided to kick back on the couch, play a little sudoku and just relax. When our family decided to watch “American Idol,” I thought I would multi-task and play while I watched. This did not bode well with my children, who were quick to tell me to put the game down and watch with them. When I paid close attention to the difference of fully watching versus half-watching/half-playing, I was struck by the difference. In one mode, I was actually present; in the other, I may as well have been in a different room.
Many people believe that being present means literally being in the same place as another. As long as we’re in the same space, attending the same events or hearing the conversation, we think we’re present. Some may even go so far as to say we’re being relational as long as we’re present.
If only relationships were that easy…
When we are checking our e-mail, making phone calls, doing crossword puzzles, knitting, watching television, reading, writing, etc., while our loved ones are trying to talk to us, enjoy our company or share their space with us…we are unavailable. We are NOT present. This feels extremely frustrating to our families and can create a dangerous distance, over time, if we’re not careful.
Being present means giving your undivided attention to the person or task at hand. If you’re on vacation with your family and answering business calls, checking e-mail and working in their presence — you’re not present. Being there in body but at work in spirit is a waste for you and your family.
Choose where you want to be…and BE THERE. Stop trying to multi-task when it comes to relationships and make the choice to be fully present at whatever you do. When at work, be fully at work. When home, be fully at home. When on vacation, be fully on vacation. One area of your life does not have to knock out other areas. You can be fully present everywhere…as long as it’s one place at a time. If you try to be every place at the same time, you are present nowhere.
Check your priorities and make sure your first priority is always your family and relationships. You will feel the benefits of this change almost immediately, as will your family.
CHALLENGE: Pay close attention this week to how truly present you are for your family and friends. Commit to giving them your undivided attention. Shut off the computer after dinner, do not read the paper, do not play sudoko, etc., put business calls on hold and be present. Notice the difference between this versus multi-tasking and see how it impacts your relationships.