As I was listening to the Dalai Lama a few weeks ago, I was struck by how much he projected love, joy and a child-like playfulness. He appeared to be centered, calm and…well, happy. It struck me because I don’t see that very often, in my work or in life.
One of his life rules (my words), which is paramount to his happiness is: When bad things happen or we find ourselves in a difficult or painful situation, remember to look at the situation from a different view. We often get so caught up in our pain and upset that it becomes the only thing we see. Consequently, we often miss the gift.
The example the Dalai Lama gave was the loss of Tibet. He stated that although that was a very painful experience, it also resulted in many rewarding and life-changing opportunities. The loss of Tibet led to his travel all over the world, his ability to speak to thousands of people on behalf of his people and his beliefs and it led to many, many other opportunities that he would not have been able to otherwise have.
When he was able to see the gifts as well as the pain, he had a more thorough view and a greater appreciation of the situation. This doesn’t mean he was happy about the loss of Tibet or even that he would wish it to happen again, it only means there was another side. This other side helped with the pain.
I’ve had this experience in my own life and am thankful for it. Several years ago my abilities were questioned at a workshop I was doing with my mentor. This unpleasant incident led to many long, difficult discussions, an honest self-examination, a company-wide exploration and a lot of upheaval. There were many issues at work at the time and it was a very painful time of questioning.
Incorporating the Dalai Lama’s rule of looking at the situation from the other side, it’s easy to see there were two sides to this experience. On the one side, this was a very painful time that put my job, my talents and my future in question. I had actually been playing with the idea of reducing my private practice and being a part-time salaried employee. On the other side, this questioning forced me to make a decision about what I wanted for my future. It forced me to “up” my game, go out on my own and truly step into myself in a way I never had before. Today, I look back at that several-month period as the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish it could have been less painful, however I’m extremely thankful it happened. I now have an agent who has accepted my book proposal, I’m speaking around the country and I’m building my own platform. This never would have happened (as quickly anyway) had I not gone through this agonizing experience.
If you or your loved ones are going through a difficult time, take a moment to look at the other side. Perhaps your financial struggles are a wake up call for you to clean up your finances, or build reserves. Maybe the other side to your cancer diagnosis is a renewed closeness with your family. Whatever the issue, there is often another side. Dare to be open enough to see the possible gift…and act accordingly.
CHALLENGE: If you’re struggling with an issue, a person or a life situation, sit back for a moment and look at it with a new lens. Is there a life lesson this experience is trying to teach you? Is this a recurring theme? Is there a gift somewhere in the pain? Be open to seeing the other side…it may lead to the change you’ve been looking for.
If you can relate to this post, we’d love to hear your story…tell us about it.