Obviously my post on Making Your Relationship An Affair-Free Zone has struck a chord.
L.Knowlan commented:
"This is the most narrow-minded old-paradigm advice I have read in a while. This puts so much pressure on the spouse / partner to be everything that most relationships will be doomed to failure. If you aren't secure enough in your commitment to have other friends of the opposite sex, then perhaps you shouldn't be married."
CHAIR22202 wrote: "…That's plain insecurity speaking! A relationship is either working or not working…”
Perhaps I should have been clearer: Having an occasional lunch, cup of coffee or the like with a person of the opposite sex is fine. However, the key word here is occasional. Occasional does not mean every other week or even once a month. This should be the exception and not the rule.
Is this insecurity speaking? Ask the thousands of people who've had affairs how they started. It is a myth that affairs happen only in couples that are unhappy. Again, ask the people who've had them if all of them were unhappy in their marriages. Although many would say yes, many others would say no. Some affairs happen because the right set of circumstances developed between the right set of people–neither of whom were protecting their relationships from the possibility of an affair; they didn't think they had too!
It is naive to think that you are not susceptible to an affair and that as long as you're relationship at home is fine, nothing can harm that. Going out one-on-one with people who's company you enjoy, thinking you admire and skills you respect is fine on a rare occasion.
It is playing with fire if you do it any more than that.
This is true even in the workplace. I cannot tell you how many people have had office affairs that started as business lunches with colleagues they were not even attracted to.
CHALLENGE: For those of you who have been impacted by affairs (either you had an affair or your partner had one) chime in on this and let us know your experience…it could be eye opening for many.