Over the years I can’t tell you how many women I’ve worked with who’ve talked about their decision to say yes to their husband’s advances simply to avoid his upset, pressure, anger or pouting. Some believe they are obligated to provide sex to their husband as the wife; they give in because it is their duty (This is also true in non-marital relationships).
The bottom-line: many women are saying yes to sex because of their sense of obligation and/or fear of their partner’s reaction to a “no”
Terry Real, my long-time mentor, calls this being a “sex slave”. If you believe you do not have the right to say no, then your “yes” is not a “yes”. As you can imagine, being a sex slave will erode sexual desire.
Sex can be a wonderful act of intimacy between two people who care about one another. It’s a gift to the relationship. Gifts, however, need to be freely given in order for both the giver and receiver to feel good about the experience. When women have sex because they think they have to, it takes the gift out of the giving. Many men will tell you they notice.
Men and women alike, deserve to have partners who want to be sexual with them, enjoy being sexual and who respect one another’s right to choose not to be sexual at any given time. If you’re making the decision to have sex with someone out of duty, obligation or fear, then it’s time to look at your sex life. It’s okay to say yes when you’re not really in the mood but you know you can get in the mood; it’s not okay to say yes to sex because you don’t believe you can say no. This will kill intimacy and any sexual desire you may have otherwise had.
CHALLENGE: When it comes to sex, make the decision to be true to yourself and say yes when you know you can do so with a good spirit. Do not put yourself in the “sex slave” position. Decide if you’d like to share this with your partner and if so, enjoy the intimacy. Commit to not say yes out of obligation or fear; say yes because you want to.