My last post was about the
power of greetings and goodbyes. Over
the years I’ve seen a few particularly poor greetings and thought I’d pass them
along since part of doing something well often requires that you know what
doing something poorly looks likeJ. Here’s a
look at what NOT to say when you first enter your home and greet your loved
ones:
1. This
place is a mess! Don’t you ever do
anything? Even if the place is a
mess, have some manners and say hello to your family or partner if you haven’t
seen them all day. You can deal with the
mess after you’ve been relational.
2. You
look terrible, what happened to you?
The last thing your partner needs to hear is how bad they look after a
long day. I’m sure there are days when
you don’t look so hot either. Keep it to
yourself and instead offer support. This
is also a poor line to use if you’re angry at your partner for gaining
weight. Seldom have I seen negative criticism
and sarcastic comments lead to amazing weight loss. Usually they lead to a passive-aggressive
response of more eating and increased weight gain.
3. I’ve
had a hard day so don’t start up with me!
My response to this one is the same response I tell my children, “I’m
sorry you’re having a bad day, however, it’s not okay to make your bad day my
bad day.” If you’ve had a hard day and
you want some support, great, ask for support.
Otherwise, realize that your bad day does not give you an excuse to be
mean and rude.
4. I need
to go chill, call me when dinner’s ready.
Unless your partner is being paid to serve you, stop acting so
entitled. Help make dinner, say hello,
ask your partner how their day was and stop acting as though you’re a five-year-old
who needs to be taken care of. It’s okay
to ask if your partner would mind if you go relax for a little before dinner
(on rare occasions only—and after you’ve already checked in and said hello,
etc.), but don’t abuse this. It would be
nice if you offered the same to your partner on some occasions as well.
5. Say
nothing. This is probably the most
common entry I hear about. The silence,
combined with a single word response or grunt when asked how your day was, is a
losing greeting. When you don’t even
acknowledge your family’s presence, your silence speaks volumes (even if you
don’t intend it to). Open your mouth and
say hello. Respond to their greetings as
though you care about them. Look them in
the eye, listen to their words and tell them it’s good to be home. If it’s not good to be home, change you’re
interactions and see what type of ripple effect your kindness creates in your
family. If there’s no change—get help.
Challenge: Remove all five of these entries from your
repertoire. Be loving, gregarious and
present when you walk into your home.
Look family members in the eye, say hello, share a part of your day and
ask about theirs. Notice what happens as
a result of your new entry.