Many relationships start on a good note. There’s time, attention and affection given on an almost daily basis. Both partners often listen to each other (at least in the courting stage), enjoy each other’s company and make time for one another. As time goes on, the honeymoon stage when everything is wonderful, exciting and fun begins to wane. Life sets in, errands must be run, jobs must be done and our sole focus, understandably, is no longer on one another.
This is normal. No relationship could sustain the honeymoon stage forever, although many of us wish it would. The reality is that we all have competing priorities that we have to constantly balance. The problem isn’t that we no longer are the sole focus of one another’s world. The problem happens when we take our relationships for granted to such a degree that we move from the sole focus to barely being a blip on one another’s screen.
Although this may sound extreme, it seldom happens over night. It often is a slow, steady process of distancing, distraction, busyness, competing obligations and exhaustion. Throw marriage and children into the mix and that once hot, all-encompassing relationship is now a slow, smoldering ember. If we’re not careful–an ember that will soon burn out.
The easiest way to keep your relationships great is to pay attention. Your relationship should always be a priority–not the only priority, but definitely a main priority. This should show up in your actions not just words. Just because you say it’s so, doesn’t make it so. Below are a few key action steps needed balance your relationship as a priority in your life. These steps should help reduce long term problems significantly.
* Pay attention. Keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship. If it feels distant, it usually is (unless you tend to never be filled up enough–in which case you need to work on this yourself and not depend on another to make life okay).
* Check in. You and your partner should be sharing about your day–frequently (several days a week if not daily). Act interested in theirs and share yours. Silence does not bode well for intimacy.
* Make time. Schedule dates, go out on the weekends together, spend time one on one. This is what brought you together in the first place. Get back to the basics. If you have kids–hire a babysitter. Before you take the babysitter home, schedule your next date night.
* Be cherishing. Stop saving the best of you for others and bring the best of you home. Laugh, compliment, be playful and LIGHTEN UP with one another.
* Be present. Shut off all technology every night at a reasonable time and give one another your undivided attention. Would you be ignoring her/him on your first date?
* Be respectful. Treat your partner as though you admire them and respect their opinions.
* Show them you only have eyes for them–and then live this. Don’t flirt with others–in front of your partner or behind their back; it’s rude and kills the love.
Keeping a great relationship great, is often a far easier process than turning around a bad relationship that’s on the brink. Do yourself a favor and pay attention to your relationship from the start; it’s the best way to avoid a potentially painful ending.
CHALLENGE: If you have good relationship that you want to keep–pay attention to it. Choose 2-3 of the action steps above and implement them now. Keep them going even in times of stress and notice what happens. Do the same thing even if your relationship has started to fall backwards. Notice the impact these changes have on your relationship.