Know Thy Heart
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 21 years of age, was sentenced to death for the Boston Marathon bombings on April 15, 2013. He carried out those bombings with his older brother, Tamerlan, when he was 19 years old. Dzhokhar’s defense attorney fought to save Dzhokhar from the death penalty by arguing that he fell under the influence of his older brother. The defense argued that in Dzhokhar’s culture it is expected that the younger brother always listen to the older brother—that it is a given in his culture. This pressure, the defense claimed, is what led to Dzhokhar going along with Tamerlan’s plan to set off bombs at the Boston Marathon.
I don’t know if Dzhokhar would have carried out the bombings had his brother not been a major influence in his life. I don’t know if, in fact, Dzhokhar stays up at night wishing he had never seen or made a bomb in his life. And I don’t know where Dzhokhar’s heart is in all of this. What I do know, though, is that 19 years of age is young. It is an extremely impressionable time of life, fraught with insecurity, intense emotions and often all-or-nothing thinking. I know that it is difficult for teens under any circumstances to know their hearts—to know what they personally believe versus what they’ve been told, what their parents believe or what those around them believe. I know that a 19-year-old’s brain is not fully developed—and won’t be for up to another six years. Do I think his brother could have been such a huge influence on Dzhokhar that he could have actually turned a good kid into a fanatic—absolutely. Good kids do bad things all the time. They get pulled into gangs or the wrong group of friends and end up doing crazy things that even they are shocked that they do. Putting a 19-year-old kid to death does not make me feel good. It does not feel like “justice” or karma or the right thing to do. It just feels sad.
If there’s one lesson I hope we can all learn from this tragic story, it’s this: Know thy heart. Whether you’re 14, 19 or 45, know thy heart. There are good and bad influences all around us at every age. There will be people trying to get you to do drugs, steal, make fun of others, lie, cheat and on and on. You have to know where you stand on these issues well before you’re confronted with them. If you don’t know what you believe, then you will never be able to stand your ground. Know your values. Tune in to what feels right. Make a clear decision about who and how you want to be in this world and then stand behind that decision with every thing you’ve got.
When you have clarity about who you are and how you want to touch this world, surround yourself with people who will support your chosen growth rather than challenge it. The power of the group is very strong—be sure your group is helping you to rise, not increasing the odds that you will fall. Who your peeps are is one of the most vital decisions you will ever make in your lifetime—choose them well.
Challenge: Don’t ever allow the opinions, pressures or radicalism of those around you to sway you from your core. Anything can sound good when pitched the right way, especially in our weakest moments. Don’t listen to the pitch—always go back to your core. Know thy heart.