1. Perform a random act of kindness–out of the goodness of your heart–with no expectation of them returning the favor. Do this throughout your relationship
2. Tell them you love them with your words. The saying that actions speak louder than words is great…and you also need to use your words. The strongest combination is when your actions match your words: tell them and show them you love them.
3. Give them compliments. Change your lens from a negative one that’s all about what they’re doing wrong or how they don’t look good, to a more positive lens. Actively focus on what you do like and voice that. Be complimentary often and at random times.
4. Do something they would like to do not what you would like to do. Too often we do the things that we like and ask our partner if they want to tag along. Step out of your world for a moment and step into theirs. Offer to do something you know they would love to do and surprise them with your compassion.
5. Give them a gift that they would like not one that you would like. This is similar to #4: step out of your world and give them what they want not what you want them to have or what you wish they would give you.
6. Stand up for them when someone does something hurtful, speaks badly of them or treats them poorly; do this in front of them whenever possible. Have your partner’s back. Refuse to bad mouth your partner, never throw them under the bus (so to speak) and speak of them, as you would have them speak of you.
7. Listen to their upsets and own your part. Be accountable. Stop defending, hear their side and understand their upset. Own any piece that is yours to own and apologize and do whatever you need to do to repair it.
8. If your partner is often dong everything for everyone else and not much for themselves, give them a mini holiday. Show them you appreciate their hard work by giving them time to themselves while you care for the children and take care of the daily chores/routines.
9. Talk to them. Share yourself and listen when they share themselves. Act as though you care about who your partner is and what is going on with their lives. Also, give them the privilege of learning about you and your life. It’s no fun to be with someone who seldom shares or talks; it’s lonely.
10. Be respectful at all times—even in anger. Do not say things in anger or upset that you will later regret or your partner will never forget. Be clean on your end and show your partner that you respect them by treating them respectfully.
CHALLENGE: Look over the list above and choose 1-2 items on the list to incorporate into your relationship.